Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Hold the Bucket!

A slight departure from air travel, but a daily travel nonetheless. Yesterday was my first driving range experience. My dear husband and I split a large bucket of golf balls at Buffalo Run Golf Course. I got the privilege of pushing the token into the machine to release the practice balls. Lesson number 1: Hold the ball bucket when collecting the balls from the machine. No One wants to have to dodge those tiny terrors before even making it to the practice pitch. I've heard of water hazards, but these tripping hazards add a whole other element to the game.

Luckily, thanks to my catlike reflexes, I saved the bucket just before it tipped over. The whole experience did highlight why the ball machine is located off the beaten path -- away from all turf -- practice or otherwise.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Blankets and Better Living Through Chemistry

On a flight back from San Diego this afternoon a frazzled mom brought her crying two year old to the back galley. I asked if she needed anything, but the poor girl was just tired. After being on vacation for 10 days and facing a connecting flight to get all the way to Milwaukee, you can't blame the poor girl.

"Do you have any tips?" the mom asked me with a look that was half desperation and half exasperation.

I was hesitant to suggest it, but, "Some people give them a tiny dose of Benadryl." When she didn't blanch I was emboldened to continue, "Or if you have a favorite blanket, sometimes that's comforting."

Apparently she didn't have any kiddie drugs in her arsenal, and as much as I'm tempted to, I am definitely not allowed to dispense anything of that sort. She did go back to her seat and pull out a stuffed lamb and fuzzy pink blanket and sure enough, within a few minutes her daughter was sound asleep, reclined in her lap.

"Huh, who knew?" I thought. As a jet-set, childless, 20-something, I had just proffered sage advice. It's not often I am the recipient of such looks of glowing gratitude from a passenger, but it certainly does a lot to brighten the day.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Madame Booger

Working a flight back from Milwaukee last week I had the pleasure to chat with a lady who ran her own day care. (Why she immediately offered this information is beyond me.) It was her lucky day. We weren't completely full so she was able to move into the bulkhead row and enjoy the luxurious foot room all to herself.

She proceeded to explain that on her last flight, she was stuck in a row behind someone who pushed his seat all the way back leaving her trapped and feeling extremely claustrophobic. "I just kept coughing on him."

"That should teach him a lesson," I said. "Get him sick as punishment for causing your discomfort."

"I know," she continued. "I have a day care and I've seen at least seen different kinds of boogers. There's orange ones, and yellow-greenish runny ones..."

At this point I was thanking the flying lady gods that she trailed off before she managed to run down her entire list of booger characteristics. Ironically enough, for someone so sensitive to the physical properties and powers of boogers, she was continuously blowing her nose and placing the used tissue, ever so daintily, into the pocket that holds the safety card and entertainment guide.

Another request to all airline patrons...Please do not place your "used service items" in these pockets. They are not trash receptacles! Someone, whose snot is not on those tissues, inevitably will have to reach their hand blindly into that pocket to retrieve all the nastiness that people leave behind. No matter what your boogers look like, they all belong in the same place...the trash bin.

Thank you. I'll get off my booger-free soap box.